the woods are just trees

 

the woods are just trees,

the trees are just wood

                                                                         ~Stephen Sondheim~

Not too long ago I had another- my last- CT scan to monitor the possible recurrence of the tumor I had a few years ago. Thankfully, the scan has remained unchanged from the previous one. I mistakenly thought that would mean that I am now pretty much out of the woods... but sadly, I guess that was just magical thinking on my part. There will be no getting out of these woods. What that does mean though is that I will not have any more scans in the future...not because it wouldn’t be a good idea but because I have had too much radiation for further exposure. Each CT scan is equal to 100 chest x-rays and I have had seven of them! I will need to continue to follow up with the oncologist every six months and I will have blood work done for those appointments. Unfortunately anything that would show up in my blood work will mean that not only has there been a recurrence of a primary tumor but it will also have metastasized as well. I asked my oncologist more direct questions this time. She specializes in rare cancers like mine and said what I guess I already knew, that because it’s a rare cancer there just isn’t enough research yet to know but that the recurrence is probably more likely a matter of “when” than “if.” Needless to say this was all pretty hard for me to hear. But. The good news is that, at least at this writing, I am feeling well and very much enjoying this world. It’s a big- and very real- lesson and opportunity in living every day. So far, so good.

 Into the woods--you have to grope,
But that's the way you learn to cope.
Into the woods to find there's hope
Of getting through the journey.

                                                                                                                ~Stephen Sondheim~